That time I was pulled over and it was an answer to prayers.

       Those of you who may not live in Utah are unaware of the war that is currently going on here.  You may have seen a few things on social media, but that's about it.

       I now live in a battle zone .

       Let me explain a little bit.  Thursday night I came home after spending some time with my family and was sitting, catching up with my roommates.  I pull out my phone and check Facebook for the first time that evening.  And the first thing I see jarred me.  It was a news article titled "LDS Church Bans Children of Homosexual Marriages from Membership."  My stomach dropped.  That couldn't have been right.  Banning is a HUGE word.  That comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of negative feelings.  And that allegation did not sit well/feel right.  

        On came the confusion.

        So I start scouring the internet trying to make sense of this.  I went to a lot of different sources.  I tried to find ones that were unbiased--not very possible in the Utah society.  And there was nothing from the the LDS Church. 

        On came the anger.

        How dare these news channels give a story without having all the information.  How dare these people twist words and meanings to make a Christian Church seem like the Church of the devil.  How dare people attack my beliefs and my faith.  How dare people call me a bigot.  How dare these little innocent children not be given the blessings of the gospel...

WAIT

That can't be right.   I do not know everything but I do know and will never deny that Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children.  I know that we are all given the chance to come to this Earth and make choices with our agency.  AND LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.  We are given commandments and laws to help us navigate through life and be worthy to live with Heavenly Father and Mother for eternity.  But we must make the choices and decisions that will get us there.

        On came the determination to figure this out.  I decided to continue to pray and prepare myself for understanding.

I had yet to come to terms with something that general authorities have released about the direction of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Until now.  So I prayed,read different posts/viewpoints and thought A LOT.

I've read a lot of posts about "privileged, straight white members" not understanding....

    To them I respond with this:   

     No, I am not working through same sex attraction.  But I am working through being attracted and wanting to feel close to someone in all ways possible.  I'm a single, 27 year old virgin.  I KNOW how hard it is to love someone and want to be with them.  I KNOW how hard it is to be on your own and wanting to have someone, a partner, a lover, a best friend, to share this life with and work through the hard times and the fun times together.  I KNOW what it feels like when every last particle in you craves to procreate and have your own family.  I know how easy it would be for me to find someone to have a child with, regardless of the consequences.

    It is lonely, it is frustrating, it is confusing because you know Heavenly Father wants you to be happy but you can't have that one thing that is your deepest most sincere heart's desire, and that you are constantly being reminded and told that you need to have it to continue to progress.

IT SUCKS

  So don't you DARE tell me that because I am doing the best that I can to live the law of chastity and to follow all of God's commandments so that I can raise my children to become responsible citizens of the Lords Kingdom, and so that I can have ETERNAL JOY and Happiness, that I am a small-minded, privileged bigot who hates everyone and wants to damn innocent children to Hell.  You don't know me.  You don't understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and obviously you are just looking to find the negative and the wrong in everything.  Especially a Church that you are not forced to be a part of.

    I will acknowledge that it is hard living in a community where the majority of people are the same religion and you feel that you must put up a fight or rationalize or defend yourself every time you feel a little bit different than those around you.  And many of you are dealing with years of resentment and feelings of not living up to a certain standard because you are not a certain way.  To those I say simply, I hope you are working on being confident in who you are and I am sorry that you feel those around you don't respect you and your beliefs.  I really am sorry this is not a society where we can all mutually respect and support each other regardless of beliefs.

I teach 9th graders.  These youth are trying to figure out life.  They all aren't members a the LDS Church, some are atheist, others Catholic, others non-denominational, others Jewish, for others religion isn't even on their radar because they are trying to just figure out where their little brothers and sisters are going to get their next meal.  They are trying to survive in this crazy world that daily gets more intense and more confusing.  I do not allow negative comments in my room.  I do not allow them to say things that are judgemental.  When they give their opinions, I allow them to talk, but make sure they have a source behind it.  When we research I teach them how to find information from all sources to get the full picture.  

And it makes me so sad when this society shows me that that practice is not common.  That we take the first thing we see and run with it.  And unfortunately, it happens on both sides.

I continued to pray.  I continued to read different viewpoints.  I continued to look for answers.  And they came.  Slowly.  When my mind and heart were ready and open.  They came.

As I was driving home last night after a great, relaxing evening with my family I was driving 5 miles over the speed limit.  That's my usual.  It's always seemed like an unwritten rule that it was ok to drive 5 miles over.  This unspoken agreement between the police and the drivers.  And then...up pop the bubblegum lights.  I pull over to the side of the road and get all huffy and bend out of shape because this is a waste of time and it was ONLY 5 miles over.  Everyone does it.  I then continued to text some friends and family whining and complaining that I got pulled over for 5 measly mph.

When I get home I saw that the church had FINALLY released a straight forward video.  The Apostle answering the questions has been very open in the past about same-sex attraction and very personal, as he has shared insights from having a brother who works through those feelings.

As I watched this video it hit me.   I was breaking the law.  5 miles over is still 5 miles over.  As this world continues to spin there cannot be as many blurred lines.  Too many of us feel like we can dictate the laws of God instead of following them-especially those of us who have made covenants and promises to do so.  These aren't just the laws of the land that is being discussed.  These are the laws of God.  All throughout the New Testament the Apostles and Christ are written and speaking and clarifying the laws of God.  That continues in this world today.

On came the peace.

I don't have all the answers, but I have the ones I need at this time.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is led by Christ through his servants, the prophets and apostles.  We strive for tangible answers and sometimes those lie in our faith.  We yearn for happiness and joy and to be a part of a family unit.  We've been given commandments and laws to help us reach those goals.  And when we enter the waters of baptism we are making an informed decision to follow those commandments and do our best to keep those covenants. At least, we should be.

This was not just a flippant decision.   This is grave.  This is serious.  The church has never said these group of people will NEVER be allowed to become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  This group is not BANNED.  There are policies that have been put into place to help lines not be so blurred and confusing.

And we hate it when things cannot be in the blurred lines anymore.  We lash out and attack and that is exactly what Satan wants us to do.   

May we all use this as a faith building opportunity.  As a time to commune with Heavenly Father and Christ and seek answers on our own, with all the facts.

So Thank you.  Thank you to society and social media for reminding me that this world is getting uglier by the minute.  Thank you for reminding me that I am grateful for our freedom of speech and freedom of religion.  Thank you for helping me grow in my faith and testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  Thank you for reminding me there is a plan in place and all the messy things will be sorted out by a true, just, yet merciful and understanding God.  Thank you for helping me realize that Satan is trying to win.  But when it comes to me, he has lost.  No man can serve 2 masters, I know which one I am serving and I am willing to do what is asked of me because of that choice.  I know when it comes to the laws of the Lord, I am not going to be on the side that is driving 5 over because everyone else is doing it.

D&C 82:10- 10 I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.

I need those promised blessings.  I want an Eternal Family and Joy.  I am not willing to sacrifice that for anything.  

AND IT IS OK IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE

 OR FEEL THE SAME WAY!

I am so grateful that I live in a place where we all can choose for ourselves to believe what we may.  I do not attack your beliefs, you do not attack mine.  I pray that we may all learn how to live in such a way that supports and uplifts one another in our own beliefs, instead of attacking, belittling, bullying and breaking one another down.  

This is a trying and hard time for many.  And it is not going to be any better.   I will continue to teach my students to be useful and supportive citizens in this world.  I will continue to lead by example.  May we all treat both sides of the issue with love and a level of mutual respect for we are all Children of a loving Heavenly Father trying to figure out how to get through this life.  By following how we choose to believe.  And the best part is...WE CHOOSE, But we then must live with the consequences of those choices.

Thank you Heavenly Father for sending that cop to pull me over last night.  And for bringing me understanding in the way that I needed it.

***I know and recognize that this goes a lot deeper especially because where I live it is not only just something a church has done.  It is a cultural thing and there are many many intense feelings that go along with this.  BUT IT GOES FOR BOTH SIDES.  It breaks my heart when I hear that people got in a yelling match because of this.  I wish I could sit them all down in a controlled setting to get to the point where we can be civil.  But unfortunately, I doubt that will ever happen.  I pray that I can do the best I can to accomplish civility in all my associations and dealings with everyone.  Those of different faiths, beliefs, lifestyles and especially those of the same faith.