Costa Rica Adventure Day 1-The Lay of the Land

   Yesterday was a really long day.  I felt like it was the day that never ended.  But that's not a bad thing.
I landed in San Jose at 5 am.  Surprisingly my plane was super full, especially with families and kids.  Costa Rica is the place to be.
    I met my host family, my Mamatica is named Lily.  She's really nice and makes delicious food.  Her nieto, grandson, is 5 and stays with them often.  I love listening to little kids when they are speaking a different language.  It is just so cute.  They let me sleep and I had my orientation at noon.
The program that I signed up with is called International Volunteer Headquarters *ivhq.org* They work through another company, Maximo Nivel, here in Costa Rica.
I went to the Maximo Nivel Headquarters...by bus with Alejandra, Lily's daughter.  I have yet to replicate the route or take it back...we'll see how successful I am at that.  As we were driving through the city, all of the houses are smashed together and they have gates out front.  *I'm telling you...a photographer's paradise*
This is in the middle of the jungle so it's pretty humid and the moss is growing where most people don't walk.  I look out and instead of seeing the Rocky Mountains, I see green mountains.  That's awesome :)
Orientation was good.  Learning a little bit more about their money system *I'm super nervous about that* and what's smart to do and not smart.
   Then Mom got to the office.  It was good to get a hug from someone you know.  I like adventures and I was trying to get to know a lot of the people around me.  It's hard though when you work at a different location than they do and you don't live with anyone else.  But I get to hug my mom whenever I want.
   We were told that someone else was going to take us back to the house when Mom was done with her orientation.  And then...the Costa Rica World Cup game started.
   We had been taking a walking tour and all of the sudden the cars started honking like cccrrraaazzzzyyy...apparently, Costa Rica scored.  You know how you can be in a spot and just feel the tension and the excitement in the air?  The streets of San Pedro *a neighborhood of San Jose* permeated with that tense excited feeling.  It.was.awesome.  I think I thrive on that feeling.  I finished watching the game and it didn't help when Greece scored and then we went into overtime, and then we went into a shootout...It was a little bit stressful to say the least....and then they missed their shot, and then we made our shot.  DONE AND DONE...the streets flooded with people in Red, White and Blue.  Horns kept honking to the beat of their national anthem.  People were on top of their cars waving flags like it was a parade.  They even handed out paper flags to people.  I loved experiencing the happiness, excitement, and pride that these people showed for their country...we don't have anything like that in the United States.  And I don't know if it's safe to say or not, but I think the last time something was like that was after WWII ended.  Kind of sad, don't you think?
     Eventually we made it back to our homestay and slept :)
Today we walked and stumbled upon the church, that was a happy find.  Then we traveled to our placement.  We are going to be in a childcare up in a spot called Purral that is a lower income area.  The children were so excited to see us.  Some even spoke English to us.  A little boy asked how we were.  I said good, how are you?  Then he said fine, how are you?  I said Great! And he looked confused.  We'll work on it.
    A lot more walking and exploring for the day.  Tomorrow we start helping out at the childcare.  Hopefully we don't get lost and confused amongst the bus system and the missing street signs.   I'm starting to understand more and more their hakuna matata...Pura Vida!

MRI= Tube of intenseness

   I had my first MRI today.  Thankfully it was just a Cardiac MRI so I got to go into the tube feet first.  Before the test I kept talking about how it wasn't a big deal because, in my mind, I could drive myself there and back when I was done.  My thought process changed a little bit as I was laying inside this MASSIVE tube for 45 minutes, listening to the tech guy through headphones telling me when to breathe.
    It reminded me of that blonde joke where a blonde goes to get a haircut and she's got headphones on.  The barber did his best to cut around them but couldn't finish the job without taking them off.  He didn't think it was a big deal so he took them off and the blonde collapsed in the chair.  When he listened to the headphones it was saying "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in"
   I already can get myself in trouble if I think too much...and here I was, stuck inside this huge tube, breathing when I was told too, and the only thing I could do was think.
   So I thought.  A lot.  About how much I wanted some ice cream, about my many colonoscopies and how I'm so grateful I'm never awake for them, about how cool the human body is, about how I really wanted to see the pictures or images they were getting, about how my heart was doing with the little aortic valve opening and closing away, about the contrast dye stuff they were putting in me, about if I was going to get a bruise from the IV since I normally don't, about when I'm going to have to have surgery---a few people have thought out loud to me that I should just get it done now...that's a different thought--, about if I should find a cardiologist up in Salt Lake or get a second opinion, about how lucky I am to live in a place that can meet all of my medical needs, about all those people I would hug if I could, about my upcoming service trip to Costa Rica with my mom, about...a lot :)
     I also decided that putting someone who knows that something is wrong with them, into a huge claustrophobic tube that has runway lights down the middle for an extensive period of time with nothing to do but breathe and think is maybe not the best idea.  I understand for now that it is necessary, but seriously, there is just one word to describe it...intense.  Thank goodness for being able to calm myself down and for Mike telling me when to breathe.  And thank goodness we have this technology...but still, can't wait for the day when they have a smaller less intense way to get the same imaging.

Why I'm so Calm

    As soon as I left the cardiologist on Monday I was talking on the phone and was asked "How do you feel now?" Thankfully a few things had taken place leading up to that fateful appointment.
   I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know what the media thinks and how it portrays my faith and I can honestly say, as an intelligent human being who is very capable and constantly thinks for herself and makes her own decisions, I know that the Book of Mormon is true scripture and another testament of Jesus Christ.  I know that we have modern prophets and apostles on this Earth today.  I know that Christ atoned for our sins.  He lived for us, He suffered for us in the Garden of Gethsemane taking upon Him all of our pains and afflictions, He died for us, and He was resurrected again for us.  He did this all so that we can return and live with Him and our Heavenly Father again for eternity.  Yes.  Again.  We lived with our Father in Heaven before we came to this Earth.  We learned there that we needed this Earth life to progress and be tested.  We also knew and CHOSE what we were getting ourselves into.  This is part of what I believe.  It's called the Plan of Salvation.  Here's a picture version of it:

  This has been the calm that I need to get through this most recent storm.
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   All of that being said, what I write is to share.  If you don't agree with it, or pick it apart to prove that I'm wrong or my religion is wrong.  Don't tell me.  I'm never changing my mind.  Because I KNOW! I know all the arguments and contradictions and I know how I feel and what I see to be true.  If you have questions I will gladly answer them or help you find answers.
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    When I was 13 and found out that I had this chronic disease that had no cure, I was reading a LDS Young Adult series.  One of the characters was young and found out she had diabetes and there was a scripture that she used and it helped me a lot.  It is found in the Book of Mormon.  The Lord is talking to a group of people that are going to a promised land.  They will go over in these boat type things that the Lord explains He would guide and direct.
        Ether 2:24  For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.
  When I was 13 that's what I needed.  A reminder that no matter how deep we feel we get or how much we feel like we are drowning, the Lord will bring us up again. That He is in control.  Through all the storms and breaking waves.

That experience set the stage of my faith and trust in Heavenly Father for the rest of my life.  That He knows what's going on with me. And He knows how much it sucks and how sometimes it feels like there's no end. But that in the end, there is going to be the best reward waiting for us...IF we do our part and follow the commandments. In a world where more and more people demand to have things given to them, it is easy to forget that Exaltation is not free.
   
Leading up to all of this heart stuff I have had a very trying year.  A year where the plan that I had in my head for my life didn't work out and I had to re-evaluate a lot of things.  Through it all, I was reminded over and over that Heavenly Father is aware of me and that with the help of so many great people, I can survive anything.

The day after I found out about my heart murmur I went to the temple.  For the LDS Church the temple is a sacred building where faithful members of the church are able to go and participate in sacred ordinances.  It is considered a house of the Lord and has gotten me through a lot of life's craziness and also all of life's uncraziness.  Long story short, it's amazing, peaceful and one of my most favorite places.

     In the temple, I was studying the story of Lazarus (I hadn't planned on studying that particular story...it just happened).  I found this scripture and it stuck with me for the next week and a half.  This is after Lazarus' sisters told Christ that their brother is really sick.  This was His response.

John 11:4 When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.

That scripture struck a chord.  I had no idea what was going on with me.  I had no idea what was going to happen.  I had no idea what it would all mean.  But whatever it was, I was going to use it in a positive light.  That kind of started the sharing on the blog.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the church of Christ restored on the Earth.  It has the Priesthood to help the organization and help members. Priesthood Blessings are given to those that ask.  They can be given for many purposes.  By Sunday "minor to moderate abnormalities" was bouncing around through my head and appearing in everything I thought about.  The theme for sacrament meeting was "Be still and know the Lord is in control."  I was trying to take that all in and try to get around those dumb words Minor to moderate abnormalities......

I decided to ask for a Priesthood blessing.  I'm so grateful I could and I did.  It was a comfort blessing.  It talked about how faith is like a muscle and sometimes you have to break it down a little bit to work it up and build it up even stronger.  Just like working out.  There were a lot of other things it talked about, including Heavenly Father's awareness of me and how this trial is going to affect me.  Honestly, that's all I need.  It is going to be super sucky sometimes.  When it comes time for surgery it will be really scary and who knows what else.  But I believe that I knew I was getting myself into this when I decided to come down to this Earth.  I know that Heavenly Father aches with us. That He loves each and every one of us.  He lets us make our own choices and our own mistakes because He knows that is how we learn and grow.  He has given us the Savior so that when we make our mistakes, if we repent, we can be washed clean and return to live with Him again.

    So how do I feel now? Calm.  Scared. Worried how this is going to effect those that I'm close to. Glad for the excuses I get to use from now on.  Excited for this new adventure and all the things I'm going to learn from it.  Always ready for a hug. Ready to use this to get closer to Christ and Heavenly Father.  Lazy when it comes to thinking of the changes in my diet I should make. Grateful for the reminder that life is shorter than we realize and that we don't have all the time in the world to procrastinate what we just need to suck up and take care of now, and that we shouldn't waste precious time fighting with those we love over dumb stuff. No longer going to make dumb things keep me from enjoying and living life to the fullest (I've got to come up with some of my own really great stories to last for eternity.)

    This life can be hard and full of not so pretty crap and I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have and for my faith that can get me through all of that.  Because it is also beautiful and amazing and full of wonderful experiences and moments.  My faith may not appeal to everyone, but it is the BEST thing in my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

***If you would like to learn more or have questions check out mormon.org or lds.org***

A Ticking Timebomb

   I was thinking a lot about what to name this post: Don't tell my heart, This explains so much, My achy breaky heart, The newest adventure of Natalie Ruth, Murmurs are my heroes, What not to say to someone with a broken heart....The list goes on and on.  But I'll stick with A ticking timebomb because that's kind of what my body feels like.
   When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with a disease called Ulcerative Colitis.  When you are in 8th grade and trying to fit in and be "normal" being told you are anything but that and have to get tests done where they stick a tube inside of you from a not very...proper..opening is pretty intense.  Thankfully I have been on medicine, have had more colonoscopies than a 26 year old should, have learned how to manage it so I don't get flare ups.  I can remember being 13 and have this doctor tell me that there is a possibility of having a colostomy bag attached to me (talk about the freaking out that came with that!) I also remember hearing the other scary C word...that if I don't take care of myself and be smart about this, it could spread and become colon cancer.  That was 13 years ago, and I can happily say that I have learned how to not stress myself out too much, what I should eat and shouldn't eat, I have learned to manage it.  I'm now on the "2 year plan" of colonoscopies and my last one my specialist said looked great.  He wished all his patients were that easy.
   I can handle that.  It's something I  can mostly control and monitor.  I met with the cardiologist yesterday.  The results are in.  The murmur, the EKG, the Echo test all point to the same thing.  I have what's called a "Bicuspid Aortic Valve"...here's a picture, which is the easiest way to understand it.

 

So the top picture on the right is what a normal aortic valve looks like.  The bottom is what mine looks like.  Meaning, sometime when my heart was being formed when I was a teeny tiny baby one of the "leaflets" merged or fused with another one.  My whole entire life these 2 cuspids have been working the job of what 3 cuspids are supposed to do (I guess even my heart knows how to step up and fill in when something isn't going right)  If you've ever done a job of 3 people all by yourself you know how tiring it is.  So now, my valve is not opening as much as it should, it's not allowing the proper amount of oxygenated blood out.  I have what's called stenosis, which is calcium deposits in the cuspids.  These are narrowing it.  And then when that happens there's regurgitation, the oxygen ready blood goes back into my heart, causing my heart to pump again to get that blood out to the rest of my body.

     That's why I get out of breath by just walking up the stairs, or walking around a store and talking to a friend.  My heart is working extra hard to make sure my whole body is getting the oxygen it needs. 

Whew an answer!

My cardiologist was really good about it, probably because he was afraid of what a girl all by herself getting this kind of news would do (but in my brain, I overreacted a little too much and expected him to tell me I had 6 months-1 year to live...I was handling the news pretty well because anything is better than that).  He said that in the next 5-10 years I will have to have surgery to fix it.

   We talked a little bit more and explained a bit more about my heart and how I will need to come in every 6 months or a year to check up and I'll have to get more ECHO tests (which are the cool ones that show an ultrasound of your heart) and then he said the big words...Open Heart Surgery

I don't know why I didn't even think about it, in my brain I had pictured them cutting around my ribs with cool little gadgets and fixing it...nope. 

   So I asked if there was ANYTHING I could do, change in my diet, different type of exercise, anything to help my heart out and slow down the narrowing.  He just looked at me and shook his head.  Said I just need to stay healthy and when it's time, it's time.  It's not a matter of IF  but WHEN  I have to have surgery...in the next 5-10 years.  I was taking notes like crazy and didn't really have time to process it, just relief that it's fixable with surgery.  And that my prognosis was a long life. (which I already had a clue about...I'll talk about that later).

   I left and immediately called my sister and brother in law who both have a medical background...and then made phone calls to everyone else in my family to let them know.  Because this is a congenital thing, it's something I was born with.  It's nobody's fault that I have it, but it is common in families (not like crazy crazy common, but it happens)

So there you have it.  A bicuspid aortic valve, working it's little leaflet off to get the right amount of blood to my body.  Ticking away...until it's too tired to keep doing it all on it's own.  And by then technology will be so advanced it really will be a small incision and cool gadgets putting a new valve in to help me out so I can continue to live and go on all my adventures for a really, really long time. Until then, I will keep on keeping on and never let a moment pass me by, all the while letting my heart tick away.  Why live in fear when you can smile and enjoy the journey?

This is a pretty long post so TUNE IN NEXT TIME: We'll see how Natalie really is coping and how her outlook on life and faith in Heavenly Father keep her from giving in to the chest pain and shortness of breath.

****I've done a lot of reading, mostly medical websites, about this if you would like to learn more here are a few good ones that I felt explained it pretty well and not so much in a scary way :) PS don't read too much...it does get scary.  I have a cardiac MRI on Friday because they want to check something with my actual Aorta and the ECHO doesn't show that.  The picture isn't complete just yet.

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/heart/disorders/bicuspid_aortic_valve_disease.aspx  ---This one talks a lot about the disease, Dr. Allen never called it a disease but there's still good info here.

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/893523-overview    ----This one is a bit more intense with big words and throws some percentages out there.  But it's not too intense that you don't understand what it's talking about.  For the most part :)

Minor to Moderate Abnormalities

Have you ever had a few words or phrases bounce around in your head over and over and over and over?

The past 5 days has been
Minor to moderate abnormalities!!!
You know how haunting this phrase is when you don't know what's on the other side?  Especially when it comes to something as big as your heart.  This organ that physically hurts when your world is rocked and you are devastated.  This organ that has a whole bunch of bones designed to protect it.  This organ that is so awesome, when the Aztecs offered human sacrifice and ripped it out (if the priests were fast enough) it would still be beating.                         [Watch this video it's way cool...]

ANYWAY...The murmur was just a warning sign, the echo test came back and I have minor to moderate abnormalities in my heart.  Some people I talked to go "Hey who doesn't" other people freak out, give me the biggest sympathy look as if I'm dying or am the most fragile human being in the world.
Trust me I'm fine...and I'll show you what it's like to be offered up as a human sacrifice, Aztec style if you want :)

TUNE IN NEXT TIME: We'll find out just how normal and abnormal Natalie's heart really is.  And if she will let it stop her going on adventures. Stay tuned.

Murmur, Murmur, Murmur

The dictionary defines Murmur as a few things:

1. a quiet expression of an opinion or feeling

2. a half-suppressed or muttered complaint

3. a low indistinct but often continuous sound

4. a soft or gentle utterance
5. an atypical sound of the heart typically indicating a functional or structural abnormality

I went in for a yearly checkup 10 days ago.  She was listening to my heart and goes "Huh, has anyone ever told you that you have a heart murmur?"  

Umm....nope, that's a new one. 

Does that mean my heart is complaining?  Is it quietly expressing that it's been through hell and back and can't take much more?  Is it broken?  Can it be fixed?  Is it really no big deal and it’s something I can use later on to test and see if I have a good doctor? 

So many things have gone through my head and I have been alone with my brain as they've gone through tests...I did learn that I have a sister who found out she has a murmur as well...she was almost 26 and pregnant at the time...since then she hasn't had any problems. I'm probably just following in her footsteps (minus the pregnant part). I guess we'll see what happens. More than likely my heart is just weird. 

If anything, it's one more things to add to my resume.

Fun, attractive single with Ulcerative Colitis and a weird heart. 

Has a full time job and is well...pretty awesome.

Applications accepted here.
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In all seriousness it has made me stop and think about how I'm living my life.  I'm done sweating the small stuff.  I probably will still be a brat about some things.  But when I see people knowingly making dumb choices, it hurts.  So many people have so much potential.  We have a loving Heavenly Father who has given us this beautiful gift and opportunity to prove to not only Him, but also to ourselves, that we are worthy to live with Him for eternity.  I am grateful for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.  For all the experiences and ways that I've been given to learn and grow.  I'm not planning on dying anytime soon...but I do plan on living life a little bit more like I am.  What better way to celebrate it?

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********DISCLAIMER***********

The point of this post is not to freak anyone out.  It is to inform those who want to know what's going on in my life.  Please don't treat me any different and don't jump to a bunch of conclusions.  I will update as I go and I promise I'm fine! For reals.  Buuuuttt....if you want to use this as an excuse to go get ice cream or jamba or frozen yogurt, I wouldn't object :) 

It's the Bulls and Mud, the Steers and the Blood...

       Tonight I witnessed the great phenomenon known as the Rodeo.  To get ready for it, I listened to the song by Garth Brooks called "The Rodeo"

I always liked this song and got  in touch with my inner county with it :)   And then I went to Strawberry Days in Pleasant Grove and witnessed a rodeo for the first time in my life.

BOOM! 

I got it!

There is something so real, so thrilling, so nonjudgmental about rodeos.  These men (and women for one event) risk their lives.  It's just man vs. animal.  A rush for not even 10 seconds.  You blink your eyes and for most events, it's over.

I was sitting with a group and one of the girls kept commenting on those poor animals.  I totally got that.  During the last event, the Bull Riding, one man finished and as soon as he was off, the bull just stopped.  And walked slowly to the gate where it moseyed back to the holding area.  As if to say "Ok, my 8 seconds are over, peace out ya'll" It was funny, but then I totally got it too.  I'd be dead tired after a 150 lb human wouldn't get off my back, no matter what I did.

What a thrill.  I'm a pretty well rounded person.  And I love bringing different aspects of myself out in different situations.   The Ghetto Natalie when the right music comes on, The Proper Natalie when I need to be, The Responsible Natalie when somebody's got to do it, and the Country Natalie when there's a fair or she's going for a drive to the country.

At the rodeo I got to cut back a little and let Country Natalie out and breathe :)

Bottomline, I love the rodeo.  I get what good ol' Garth was talking about.  I hope everyone has a chance to feel the pride and patriotism that runs through those bleachers.

...It's that damned old Rodeo!